I never think that I'm wasting my time because usually whatever I'm doing makes me happy- even if it's not the most "productive" thing at the time. While doing a lot of reflecting, I started wondering if I'm making the most of my life. Will I look back when I'm really old and gray and be happy with what I've done? What if I feel that I'm happy now, but in the future I'll think, "God, I was stupid when I was in my early 20's." A slew of hypothetical situations like this flooded into my brain... I HATE hypothetical situations.
I don't think that I have many answers, but I do know this: I don't know. And I won't know. Maybe in the future I will look back at myself and think I was naive. I am fine with not knowing, and will gladly wait to find out.
i'm feeling settled in. this is my room. it's lovely.
and my violin stuff is going well. right now i'm going through the process of making a lot of changes in my technique. i love the new changes though. i feel so much more comfortable than before. it's amazing how such little adjustments can make such a big difference.
i went to the eye doctor yesterday. she did a million tests and then asked me if i have problems with double vision. apparently my right eye sees things lower than my left, which my new eye doctor seems to think will cause double vision later in life. great. i now have one contact for my right eye (near-sighted). my left eye (far-sighted) doesn't need one. oh if i could afford laser eye surgery i'd do it. right now. i've tried contacts before with no success so i have my fingers crossed that this works out. my lack of a bridge on my nose makes it quite difficult at times to keep my glasses up on my face.
i set up my recitals: my solo recital is march 21st, saturday, 8pm
chamber recital is february 27th, friday, 6pm
both will be in von kluster hall. if you have a passport and some free time, do come. i will feed you.
this coming monday is canada's thanksgiving. strange... it's so early. just strange. i let all of my classes out early today. and i pretty much just cancelled my 230 class because there was pretty much noone there. i'm way too nice to my students.
lastly, a friend who i'd lost touch with has reentered my life. they are keeping me very inspired and motivated. i am happy and grateful :)
there's a lot of stuff going on right now. it makes me want to leave and go do other things that seem more important that school right now. (scott, my roommate, says that i'm a free spirit. i don't belive it) i like school. i like canada. and i worked hard to get where i am. i am doing more playing that i love and am learning so much, but i'd feel fine with putting it all aside to go help other people who need me right now. i need to find some internal balance. currently, i feel balanced-ish. but then i ask myself, "will i ever feel completely balanced?" the answer i always come back to is no, so i move onto other things. is there such a thing as having a completely balanced life? where everything feels settled in correctly? and if so, would that actually make me content with everything? there has always been a certain amount of drama in my life. as much as i strive for a drama-free existence, truthfully, i'd probably be bored without it. not that i wish it upon myself. enough deep contemplation for today.
i'm going to a pot-luck tomorrow :) what to make, what to make? i'm really excited because it reminds me of the potlucks i used to go to in summers with some good friends. those days seem like forever ago. i'm getting old.
I got an email from my roommate last night telling me that our townhouse is a palace:
"The house has absolutely EVERYTHING you need... and then some more. My bed was even made with fresh linens (as was yours). It's basically set up as if she was going to live there tomorrow, we just happen to be staying there instead. There are dishes, toiletries (including toilet paper), tv's, cable, internet, everything."
I'm now rethinking my packing choices. My car is full to the brim, and I'm sitting here, wondering if I should unpack my car, and put more things into storage that I probably didn't need to take with me.
One thing I am the slightest bit concerned with is the feeling of home. I hope that I'll feel at home in a house that is new to me, plus doesn't have much of my stuff in it. I am bringing one piece of my own furniture. I sold the rest. I don't want to go there and feel like I'm in a glass house, not wanting to ruin anything.
Here we go. Pictures will come.
andy told me that when you move, you're never really ready to go. i hope that that's the truth instead of something else being wrong, like, moving to ontario is the worst decision i've ever made. (not to be too dramatic)
i miss my house. and my friends. and my andy. and... have i mentioned that i'm getting quite nervous? i need to practice. i need to figure out how to use the bus. i need to figure out how to get my bus pass so that i can use the bus. i need to find a grocery store. and a bank. have i also mentioned that my ta position pays me at the end of each month? so, i'll be without money until the end of september. not nervous at all.
what i really need to do is get out of my comfort zone, put on my tough outer shell, and embrace change. ready, set, go!
I just recently got my syllabus from my future violin professor. I immediately started feeling stressed out because grad school is really going to be more work than I've ever ever ever had to do before. EVER.
" I require a written assignment on each of the pieces/composers you are studying at the moment. I will require you to have done the work BEFORE bringing the piece into the lesson..."
I've already been scheduled in a recital in October, and I have all of my auditions for the orchestra and chamber ensembles in less than 1 month...
I am officially leaving Oshkosh on August 31st. I have a giant list of things to do. GIANT
In addition to all of this, I am giving a Michigoingaway recital on August 15th in the choir room of UWO at 5pm. You could come if you'd like. There won't be any food. sorry.
Also, I washed my hair. Melissa said that I should tell everyone how I FAILED, and that I'm a FAILURE. So, there. It's now said. I didn't like how my hair was going, so I got some organic shampoo and now it smells like coconutty goodness.
Currently, I am IMpatiently waiting for my new laptop to come. It got put on a fedex truck at 800 this morning. After receiving my syllabus, I started to freak out about papers and ordered my new macbook, to be named, Michibook. Every time I hear something that sounds like a truck, I run to look out the window. Unfortunately, there are people doing construction across the street and I keep getting confused by the sounds. I WANT MY COMPUTER!!!!!
Week 2 was pretty gross. It was fine up until the middle of the 2nd week when I left Oshkosh to spend a week at the Clearing. The Clearing, the most gorgeous door county folk school, provides camps for a bunch of subjects like music, poetry, quilting, etc. It's one of the most peaceful, beautiful places I've been to, and I look forward to going back every time. However, the water is extremely soft, so my hair started to get pretty gross right when I got there. In the last several days the grossness has started to dissipate, and my hair is returning to normal. Woohoo for no-poo!
This is the 3rd year I've been to the Clearing for the chamber music program, run by my teacher Klara. This year was definitely my favorite. I got to play viola for the whole week, which was incredible. So much that it makes me wonder whether I should switch over to viola instead of violin, but that's a whole other story...
I miss nature and sitting by water. I realize that Oshkosh has some nature and some water, but it's just not the same. I like trees and hills and water that doesn't have some sort of smelly fish disease! As I was leaving Ellison Bay I was really sad to go, and also to say goodbye to some of the nicest, cutest people in the entire world. Some of the people who go to the Clearing have been participating in the chamber music week for the past 20 years.
It's some sort of tradition to make a rock tower/sculpture down at the beach. This was my addition.
Lastly, I bought a new butterfly ring. :) Love at first sight...
Good day to all!
Anyway, I've decided to start a blog so that I can tell her about my life since I obviously won't be able to talk to her as much now. (Not that this is just for Amanda though. Feel free to keep reading, whoever you are.)
Awhile ago, my lovely roommate told me about an article she, and her friend, had read about not washing your hair EVER. It basically says that your hair has adapted itself to being washed on a regular basis. It gets greasy when not washed because the natural oils are out of whack from chemicals in shampoo and conditioner. When not washed with soap, only water, your hair goes through an extremely gross couple of weeks and then "normalizes" itself. I tried to do this awhile ago. I lasted 3 days.
My roommate recently told me that her friend stopped washing her hair and it now has more volume. After doing some research, I decided to really try to do it this time. Some of the articles said they did a 6 week no-washing study. So, that is my goal. 6 weeks. I am now on day 8. My hair looks fine, but feels pretty gross. So, if you see me in the next few weeks, please don't touch my hair.