10.18.2011
there once was a time
10.01.2011
christmas in September
8.26.2011
My staff says that weird people are drawn to me
"do you want this empty cardboard box for your cat?"
"...how do you know that I have a cat?"
"because I can see the future"
"oh, ok. So, what's going to happen with the hurricane this weekend?"
"30,000 people are going to die"
"...that's a lot... ...I guess I'll take the box"
8.22.2011
CA getaway with MattE
8.19.2011
no internet = no blogging
Other than the internet situation, I have been thinking a lot lately about my life, where I am, and what I'm doing with myself. It may be due to the fact that in 11 days I will be 27, something that I'm not looking forward to. My friend suggested that I start telling people that I'm 30 for the next few years until I'm actually 30 to start getting used to it, since that is the direction I'm inevitably headed in.
In honor of my turning 30, I've decided to refocus myself and make some tough decisions. If you know me, you know that I'm not one for change, big or small, (I just bought a pair of wide leg jeans that I'm a quite nervous about) but I've decided that change has become necessary. I've started something... I'll call it a "project." I can't share with you yet because it's still not fully formed, but hopefully in about a week I will be ready to unveil.
stay tuned.
7.15.2011
spontaneity is one of my better qualities
7.12.2011
Productivity, go!
1. Had breakfast with my sister
2. Had a road rage stand off with a Jewish man - I realize that this is not technically a "good" thing but it was very cathartic
3. Convinced my landlord to not increase our rent for next year
4. Called about getting a hostessing job - Fingers crossed that it works out!
5. Went to a yoga class
6. Signed up for a yoga membership
8. Practiced for the first time in a good while
Hopefully my good, productive days will continue on. I slept in today which was lovely and am about to do some practicing.
6.30.2011
John Adams gives thanks
It’s the month of May and people like me who have been asked to speak at college commencements are feverishly thumbing through their copies of Bartlett’s Quotations or searching Wikipedia for some golden little nuggets of wisdom or humorous anecdotes with which to begin their speeches. I see that while we are gathered here Arianna Huffington, only a few miles north of us, is sharing philosophy and savvy career tips with the graduating class at Sarah Lawrence.
When I graduated from college in 1969 the Vietnam War was raging, and a good 20% of my classmates had already burned their draft cards and had adopted the classic John Lennon hairstyle, moustache and granny glasses. At my own commencement ceremony several protesting students tried to take over the podium and had to be removed by class marshals. Times are less violent now, at least within the country, but the world that awaits this year’s graduating classes is no less volatile, no less unpredictable.
I should be doing the ritual thing and blessing you with words of wisdom and encouragement. But the truth is, all I really want to say is thank you. Thank all of you students who, against all odds and against all the pressures to do otherwise, have chosen to have a life in the arts. All the paradigms of success that we routinely encounter in our everyday lives—on television, in movies, in the online world, in the constant din of advertising, even from our friends and families—all these “models” for success and happiness American-style are about what is ultimately a disposable life, about a life centered around material gain and about finding the best possible comfort zone for yourself.
But by choosing a life in the arts you’ve set yourselves apart from all that and from a nation that has become such a hostage to distraction that it can’t absorb a single complex thought without having it reduced to a sound byte. Most people now, and particularly most people your age, live in a fractured virtual environment where staying focused on a single thought for, say, a mere seven seconds presents a grave challenge. (I mention seven seconds because a staff researcher at Google in San Francisco recently told me that 7.3 seconds was the amount of time that an average viewer stays on a YouTube site before jumping to another page.) You have grown up in a world that offers constant, almost irresistible distraction not unlike what the serpent in the Garden of Eden offered to Eve when he whispered to her, “check out them apples.”
The arts, however, are difficult. They are mind-bendingly and refreshingly difficult. You can’t learn the role of Hamlet (no less write it), you can’t play the fugue in the Hammerklavier Sonata (no less compose it) and you can’t hope to move effortlessly through one of Twyla Tharp’s ballets without having submitting yourself to something that’s profoundly difficult, that demands sustained concentration and unyielding devotion. Artists are people who’ve learned how to surrender themselves to a higher purpose, to something better than their miserable little egos. They’ve been willing to put their self-esteem in a Cuisinart and let it be chopped and diced and crushed to a pulp. They are the ones who’ve learned to live with the brutal fact that God didn’t dole out talent in fair and equal portions and that the person sitting next to them may only need to practice only half as hard to win the concerto competition.
And the wonderful, astonishing truth is that the arts are utterly useless. You can’t eat music or poetry or dance. You can’t drive your car on a sonnet it or wear it on your back to shield you from the elements. This “uselessness” is why politicians and other painfully literal-minded people during times of budget crises (which is pretty much all the time now) can’t wait to single the arts out for elimination. For them artistic activity is strictly after-school business. They consider that what we do can’t honestly be compared to the real business of life, that art is entertainment and ultimately non-essential. They don’t realize that what we artists offer is one of the few things that make human life meaningful, that through our skill and our talent and through the way that we share our rich emotional lives we add color and texture and depth and complexity to their lives.
A life in the arts means a life of sacrifice and tens of thousands of hours of devotion and discipline with scant remuneration and sometimes even scant recognition. A life in the arts means loving complexity and ambiguity, of enjoying the fact that there are no single, absolute solutions. And it means that you value communicating about matters of the spirit over the baser forms of human interaction, because you know that life is not just a transaction, not simply a game about winning someone’s confidence purely for purposes of material gain. By coming to Juilliard, by going through the scary audition process and sweating out your first recital or by losing sleep over some offhand cranky comment by your teacher, you showed that you wanted to take a different route. So I am deeply grateful for your decision, and I know, even without asking them, that all of the other honorees here on the stage with me feel the same way.
I often say when a young composer shows me a score that what I’m looking for is to be surprised, because surprise wakes me up to the world, surprise makes me see something or feel something in a way I never before expected. Nowadays, with all the arts so instantly available via technology, we’re finding it ever more difficult to be surprised by something. We can hear or see just about anything online now, but how often are we bowled over, how often have we been forced to stop all other discursive mind wandering and just sit there in astonishment, listening or looking in rapt amazement? What does it take to move us from our customary place? (And by the way, that is what the word “ecstasy” literally means: ek-stasis- to be moved out of one’s place.) And that is what we want when we confront a work of art, whether it’s a completely new creation or an impassioned performance of masterwork from the past.
There are these lines in a Louise Erdrich poem that I’m currently setting that say it right:
I will drive boys
to smash empty bottles on their brows.
I will pull them right out of their skins.
That is the kind of intensity we’re looking for. We need the artistic experience to pull us right out of our skins
In order to achieve that element of surprise you have to set up expectation. The quality of the surprise—what Melville called the “shock of recognition”—depends on how carefully, how knowingly these expectations have been set up. And whether you are a master playwright, or a subtle and probing lieder singer or a speed-of-light jazz improviser, your expertise in setting up expectations depends on two factors that would at first glance seem to be contradictory: one is supreme technical mastery, mastery of a kind that is so secure and so thoroughly internalized that it functions at an almost subliminal level. (Just look my colleagues sitting here with me on the stage—Twyla Tharp, Derek Jacobi and Herbie Hancock—and you can see technique personified.) And the other is having a gift for the outrageous, having the willingness and readiness to make that sudden, spontaneous departure from the norm—the ability to depart from the script and make the unexpected leap out of the box, and to do it precisely when it’s least expected. (Look at my colleagues again!) Such a gift is impossible to teach. It has to come from the core of the artist’s personality. I remember hearing Yo-Yo Ma play the Bach sonatas for cello and keyboard. It was the first time I’d ever heard him live, and I remember thinking to myself, “Well he’s a superstar, so it will be note-perfect, I’ll be dazzled by his technique and he’ll look great, but I won’t expect any revelations.” But just the opposite happened. My reaction to his Bach was “Man, that was weird!” He didn’t play Bach at all like I’d come to think I’d known it. He was not afraid to be coarse and edgy at times, nor was he afraid to go beyond the accepted norms of polite expressiveness we’d been admonished to consider proper. He’d obviously asked questions before he started to consider the piece.
In other words you have to BE that kind of person: restless, searching, ready and willing to take risks. You have to think differently and experience the world differently from those around you.
So if I can leave you with some words of wisdom—I don’t know what Arianna Huffington is saying at this point in her speech, maybe “hold on to your technology stocks”—I would probably urge you to do one thing over all else, and that is never to consider yourself sufficiently educated. Always remember to adopt Zen “beginner’s mind.” If you’re playing or dancing and acting something for the umpteenth time, stop and ask yourself “how can I make it fresh? What have I been missing in this? How can I avoid going on autopilot?” And don’t be afraid to take baby steps. Simon Rattle was already a world-famous conductor nearing the peak of his professional achievement when he went off to study performance practice with Nikolaus Harnoncourt and become a sort of apprentice-groupie to the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment. During the last year of his life Schubert sought out a counterpoint teacher and took lessons. And of course we all know how throughout his life Stravinsky painstakingly learned completely new and unfamiliar musical techniques, even at an advanced age, and we know how what he absorbed gave new life and energy to each new phase of his creative life.
Be bold, be humble, don’t mind being difficult, and don’t ever feel that what you’re doing in this attention-deficit disorder country of ours is marginal or unimportant. You are in fact the heart and the soul of its very being.
6.25.2011
6.21.2011
this past month
5.24.2011
Taiwan Matt
In the meantime, I have decided to fill my time with some apartment revamping.
I took Rick and Andrew to help me pick out a new bed today. Trying out beds is always a good time. My current queen size is great, but a wee bit too big for our room so a nice comfy full size will be delivered tomorrow evening.
Other things on my list include:
- painting the kitchen
- painting the bedroom
- touching up the white trim in the family room
Matt has given me full reign to do whatever I want so we'll see what else I can come up with. His one and only stipulation: nothing alive. Damn that Matt for ruining my best puppy purchasing plan!
5.22.2011
things I learned/was reminded of at work today:
2. one can be easily misunderstood when feeling defensive
3. everyone does things differently, but we are all working towards the same goal
4. show support for your team
5. don't overanalyze everything... you will go crazy
5.18.2011
apt 35 additions
5.15.2011
running for gifts update
5.13.2011
retail is not rocket science.
According to Wikipedia, customer service is defined as the provision of service to customers before, during, and after a purchase. Micah Solomon, quoted in Inc. Magazine, states that the perceived success of such interactions are dependent on employees “who can adjust themselves to the personality of the guest.” This is the key point. A good c.s. person listens to the needs of the guest, helps them find what they are looking for or gives them to someone who can better assist them, and makes sure they leave satisfied, wanting to come back.
Young people often enter the retail field thinking that the industry is an easy job where they can do the minimal amount expected because it’s just retail. I’m here to say, “NO! Absolutely not!”
At any job, I understand that everyone has off days- they aren’t feeling well, are tired, or are having a bad day. Everyone has times when things go awry and people/customers get angry; however, there are people who just don’t belong in the c.s. industry. Over the course of my life I’ve run into too many rude, uneducated, lazy people to count and after leaving each experience I’ve thought, “Why did this person apply for this job?” Maybe they were really gung-ho at first and then lost that spark and settled into a cold, hardened shell of a person. But even then, why would you stay in a job that you hate and turns you into an extremely salty human being?
I have my monthly prescription filled at Duane Reade in SoHo. I dread picking up my prescription because I absolutely hate the girl who works at the pharmacy. She doesn’t smile, hasn’t been nice to anyone as far as I’ve seen, and will blatantly ignore you if you’re standing in line in front of her. Her lack of “I’ll be with you in a moment” leads me to the conclusion that she has no soul.
I was raised to work hard, earn my keep, and not expect anything. Entitlement is not a becoming quality and I have met a lot of people who think they deserve the crown jewels just for showing up. Customer service is not hard, but one has to actually want to be helpful. I think the main challenge is keeping a good attitude and adapting to the needs of each person you work with.
Lastly, doesn’t everyone like being helped if needed? Having someone available to answer questions? Not ignore you??? “Treat others how you want to be treated” should be part of everyone’s life motto no matter what job you hold. I mean, have some freakin pride in your work!
end of rant.
4.29.2011
(not) running for gifts
4.25.2011
Lent of Shame 2011 complete
4.20.2011
MET
4.12.2011
approaching
4.09.2011
4.02.2011
tired
I have been working every day, practicing for at least 1 hour every day, and trying to do a bit of exercise every day. I know that I have had this sort of schedule in the past, but I think I must be getting too old or something. At the end of the day I just want to sit down and eat dinner, after which I usually fall asleep on the couch, wake up disoriented, and then realize that it's 930pm I still need to practice.
Usually I get sick when I feel this tired but keep pushing myself. Hold on body! Two more days of work and then you can sleep in!
3.29.2011
making music in NYC
If you'd like to make a trip out to NYC to visit me, come in June and listen to the BCCO play the Brahms Requiem!
3.27.2011
running is hard
3.25.2011
3.15.2011
2011 Lent (of shame)
2.22.2011
NYC adventure time begin!
2.01.2011
1.31.2011
snow and coconuts
1.14.2011
exploding radiator situation
1.04.2011
adventures in Thai cooking
Me: "...ok"
I decided that I wanted to make "authentic" pad thai, or at least as authentic as I could make it. I got a recipe online which seemed easy enough: Eggs, peanut oil, garlic, fish sauce, tamarind paste, rice noodles, sugar, salt, tofu, bean sprouts, chives, peanuts, and lime. Totally doable. However, on a Sunday evening, finding all of the ingredients is rather challenging. The ingredients to make pad thai seemed fine, but throughout the process of making it I became extremely confused. It didn't seem like I was making the correct dish- tons of runny egg and dark red colored sugary liquid.
Me: "yeah, I don't know if we're going to be able to eat it"
The sauce calls for this fruit called Tamarind. The recipe I used called for 2 Tbs of tamarind paste- a very small amount. Apparently, this is not an item stocked at one's local grocery store. I did however luck out and found a store that carried fresh tamarind which, according to the internet, is fairly hard to procure. This is what tamarind looks like:
After everything was all mixed together it finally started to look and smell like it was supposed to. And, voila!
1.02.2011
Happy 2011!!!
I went out with my favorite boys, Rick and Andrew, to a German beer garden called Loreley. Such good food! I forget how much I love sauerkraut! We had some champagne at midnight and then went to DBGB to meet up with Matt. The restaurant was decorated so prettily with balloons and new years decorations everywhere!